Confessions of a Big Girl (Body Odour Palava)

The office I am going to is right ahead of me and my legs can’t seem to carry me there fast enough! I am pushing my legs to quickly close the gaps between us and outrun the second pair of legs behind me.

I got to the entrance, thankfully there was no security personnel at the doorpost and I quickly turn the knob and entered. It’s a roadside office so no gate or large compound to pass through before getting to the main office entrance.

Unfortunately, the second pair of legs was coming to the same office!!! The moment I turned the knob and entered, the legs walked right in behind me, I wanted to puke! The owner of the legs smelt like stale onions left out to rot *sobs*


But my heart broke when I heard someone say “all dis fat people sef, na so dem go dey smell upandan. Pesin go fat, e no go still baff well.” My heart bled. So I actually came for an interview and the reception was filled with smartly dressed people and the extra pair of legs apparently came for the same thing because when I turned to look at the owner, it was owned by a young man dressed corporately too just like the rest of us at the reception, clutching a file and sweating profusely. I was the only fat person there, I was also sweating because in my bid to outrun his odour from the time our paths crossed, I had broken out in sweat from exertion.


Anyways, I ignored all the mumblings and found a seat right under the AC away from the rest of them. Uncle second pair of legs was the mingling type and went to sit with other interviewees in the bid to bond. Well, what happened after he found a seat is another story!


My favourite time of the year is rainy season/harmattan. I love the cold. But excuse me, it’s not because I’m fat and sweat a lot as every one presumes, but I am yet to see that person who likes the heat. You know it’s kinda funny when you all assume I have body odor just because I am fat. A slim person can sweat and get a hug and I can’t? Is oil coming out of my body? *emoji hand to face*

FYI, I cannot even stand sweating myself neither do I like body contact when I am feeling hot. So please don’t feel too good with yourself when you hug that “lepa” beside me and
just wave at me thinking I will feel bad. I am glad you saved yourself the embarrassment.
Yes, I do agree that because of our gorgeous butterfly wings and fluffy folds, the tendency to sweat constantly in certain special areas is high but hey, we know and we take our time to clean up appropriately twice and even thrice daily. So next time something stinks and you and you, unfortunately, turn up your nose at me just because I happen to be around, I won’t be civil like I was on that interview day because I no dey find job for your hand. That your nose wey you twist go up must come down and na me go bring am down. Kapisch???



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